I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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