Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
