Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
