He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
