Will you blow on my dice?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
