Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
