I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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