Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
