Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
