did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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