Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
