Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
