thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
