i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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