What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
