Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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