you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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