How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
