Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
