fuck your aforementioned shoe
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
