I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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