Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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