I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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