Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
