she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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