"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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