people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I had to cum in my sink.
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