Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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