Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
