Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
