dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We just shotgunned beers for America
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
