The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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