we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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