I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
