No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
