yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
How's work?
Spinning.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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