I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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