Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
