everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
