I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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