how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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