if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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