I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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