My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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