We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
