you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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