she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
