did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
