Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
