My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
