I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
