why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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